


The Right Decision?

by VicaliW



Category: Peter Kay's Car Share (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2020-01-07 02:09:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18400997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VicaliW/pseuds/VicaliW





	1. Chapter 1

“I can’t believe this John…how could you?”

I’m so sorry…I really never meant any of this to happen…it just did…and I never meant to hurt you…ever.”

“Well you have a funny way to show it…we are engaged to be married!! Do you love her?”

John just stared ahead not knowing how to answer.

“Do you love her?” came the repeated question.

“I think so…”

“You think so?! Well you either do or you don’t?”

“Look I don’t want to hurt either of you…”

“So why now? Why today tell me that you can’t marry me?”

“Because today it all came to a head and I know I have to make a decision…and things haven’t been right for ages now.”

“What happened today John?”

John sighed as he realised he had to relay the painful events “She got out of my car and told me she was getting out of my life and I don’t want that, I can’t have that.”

“But you want me out of it…is that it?”

“No, I didn’t mean it like that.”

 “So how long has this actually been going on for with you and this tart?”

“She isn’t a tart…that’s what’s making this harder…I don’t even know if we have a future…I mean nothing’s even happened between us.”

“Then how can you risk what we have over nothing? Why did she get out of the car?”

“Let’s not do this” pleaded John.

“I’m sorry is this upsetting for you? As I’m the one feeling humiliated right now, so you need to start talking.”

“Fine…it was becoming obvious that our feelings were not strictly platonic…she felt awful feeling the way she did when she knew I was engaged, and she didn’t want to stand in the way of my happiness.”

“Except it’s me that’s in the way…”

“No, it’s me, it’s me that’s in the way…” John sighed.

“You have only been car sharing for a few months – you haven’t seen each other outside of work from what I can work out.”

“No…only the works party.”

“Then how can you both feel this strongly? What are you not telling me?”

“Nothing, honest Charlotte – there is nothing to tell – I haven’t cheated on you…not physically anyway.”

“You may think you’re letting me down gently but that makes it even worse John.”

“I’m not good at this sort of thing…you know I’m not.”

“What have you done that has made her grow these feelings for you? None of this makes any sense. I mean when did you start having feelings for her?”

“I don’t know – I just did, when she moved to her sisters in Bury I thought I wasn’t going to see her again but I wanted to keep seeing her, so I continued the car sharing arrangement” John looked guilty.

“Bury?! You’ve been picking her up from Bury?!”

“Yeah” John put his head in his hands.

“You told me that your hours had changed. What else have you lied about John?”

“Nothing.”

“What happened at the works party? Did something happen then?  I mean no wonder you were late home if you had to drive all the way to fucking Bury.”

“All that happened was that I gave her and that bloody Elsie a lift home and then I had to drive back to Elsie’s after dropping Kayleigh off as she left her inhaler in me car.”

“What happened when you dropped Kayleigh off?”

“We just chatted.”

“About what?”

“I don’t know, she was drunk.”

“And?”

“And nothing – something could have happened, we probably both wanted it too but it didn’t and it wouldn’t have – she’s not like that.”

“Well she is John if she was happy to let you drive to Bury to fetch her every day knowing feelings were there and knowing you were engaged…she knew what she was playing at!”

“Look, it’s me that’s at fault here – not her!”

Charlotte sat beside John with tears in her eyes, struggling to look at him, he just stared forward not moving his gaze from the blank TV screen.

“You know a few years ago, when your Dad was alive, the answer machine picked up one of your conversations…”

John looked at her horrified.

“You were telling him that things weren’t right between us and that you were playing a part in someone else’s life.”

“Oh God! Charlotte, I’m sorry you had to hear that…why didn’t you say anything?”

“I was going to – I was going to leave you there and then, but I know you had been stressed with work and you’d just been promoted. I put it down to that, that things were just getting too much for you. Then when I thought about raising it again – you’d just found out your Dad was ill, and I didn’t want to bring all that up that whilst you were trying to come to terms with things.”

“But why continue to pretend that all was fine when you heard what I said? How could you carry on pretending?”

“I could ask you the same thing.”

“Fair point.”

“Did you ever love me John?”

“Yes of course I did…I do love you.”

“But you’re not in love me?”

John remained silent.

“How do you really feel about Kayleigh?”

“How do you mean?”

“What do you really feel about her – when you came in tonight John I have never seen you look so devastated. I thought something terrible had happened to your Mum or Nan…so don’t try and brush me off with your ‘think so’s’ and your ‘don’t knows’”

“I can’t really explain it Charlotte – I just feel…I just feel like a different man when I am with her…I feel…alive…”

“And I make you feel what? Dead inside?”

“No! There’s just something there that won’t shift…and I can’t pretend anymore that I don’t feel it.”

“I will ask you again, are you in love with her?”

John looked at Charlotte with tears in his eyes “Yes, I am, very much” his head went into his hands again as he sobbed.

Charlotte stood up and left the room, trying to remain dignified, but broke as soon as she left the living room.

After a short while Charlotte came down the stairs with a bag packed and entered the living room – John had not moved since she left to go upstairs.

“I am going to go to Gems for a few days.”

John stood up and walked towards her “You don’t have to go – I can go to Mum’s.”

“No, I need to get out of here…I feel like I can’t breathe being here.”

“I am so sorry” he went to reach out for her but Charlotte was not in any way happy with that and slapped him viciously across the face.

“Don’t touch me, you have literally taken me for a fool, and as much as I am angry at you, and her, I am angrier at myself for letting this sham of a relationship continue. I actually feel sorry for Kayleigh as she is going to waste her time loving you just like I did.”

John was holding his face that was still stinging from the slap “I deserve that.”

Charlotte composed herself “I will be in touch in a few days sort out where we go from here. But right now I can’t even look at you.”

Charlotte left the house and John watched her drive away from the window, tears formed again in his eyes “what a fucking mess” he said under his breath.

He picked up his mobile and made a phone call “Hi ya Dave, it’s John…yeah not too bad…been better…listen…I need to talk to you, something serious has come up and I need some help…urgently.”

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

“I told ya Kayleigh you were playing with fire. What did you really expect from him?” asked Mandy as she was consoling Kayleigh on the on the couch, who was in her pyjamas and dressing gown.

“Alright I know…but you don’t know what he is like with me, when it’s just us…I thought there was something there.”

“But he’s engaged Kayleigh.”

“I know I feel so stupid…”

“I told you to be careful, especially when he started picking you up from here…he probably wanted his cake and eat it. He was never going to start a relationship with you…he was messing you around.”

“He wasn’t Mandy – you don’t even know him” pleaded a defiant Kayleigh.

“No I don’t, but I have known men like him, like butter wouldn’t melt, but even though he was engaged he was sniffing around you, now that is not a nice man in my opinion.”

“Well, I’ve lost him now so you don’t need to worry.”

“Kayleigh, he wasn’t yours to lose…”

Tears had formed in Kayleigh’s eyes as she looked at her sister “it doesn’t stop me wishing he was mine.”

“Aw love…come here” Mandy hugged her sister.

“You just have to forget him now, you told him how you felt and why you couldn’t share his car anymore, that was really brave of you. If he did have genuine feelings for you, he would have told his fiancée, but he hadn’t he just kept leading you on.”

“I know, I know you’re right” Kayleigh replied as she let go of her sisters embrace “I just thought after all the crap I have dated, I had finally found someone – but he was already taken…story of my life eh?” Kayleigh wiped her eyes.

“There is someone out there for you, you just have to be patient and put this behind you.”

“Patient?! I’ve been patient…I’m running out of time.”

“Don’t be daft…listen to me – you will find someone else.”

“But they won’t be John Mandy, I really loved him.”

“I know you did…but you need to forget him now. What he has done is not fair on you or his poor fiancée. And if he can do this to her, what’s to say he wouldn’t do it to you if he did feel the same way? I know you don’t want to hear it Kayleigh but he cannot be trusted, he’s been playing you both, now you’ve called him out on it and where is he – oh yeah playing happy families with his fiancée who he lives with and shares his life with. You two only car share…it’s very different to living with someone and planning a future.”

Kayleigh looked down sadly.

“Let me make you a nice brew and we can list all things you disliked about him instead” Mandy said jokingly which made Kayleigh smile a little.

As Mandy got up off the couch the doorbell rang.

“If that’s Steve forgetting his bloody keys again – I am setting him up home in the garage” Mandy went to the window to check, she looked back at Kayleigh in shock.

“What is it Mandy? Is it Steve?”

“No Kayleigh, it’s John.”

“John?!” Kayleigh rushed to the window; she saw his car first on the road then saw John still in his work uniform looking very forlorn.

“Shit Mandy what do I do – I can’t go to the door looking like this.”

“Well, you either go to the door or I do – which would you prefer?”

“Shit” Kayleigh took a deep breath and walked into the hall, closing the living room door behind her, she took another deep breath and opened the front door, John was looking down at the ground skimming his shoes on the concrete.

“What you doing here John?”

“I needed to see you; I couldn’t leave things as they were.”

“Why John? What difference does it make – you made it clear we were car share buddies. Anyway, haven’t you got a fiancée you should be with right now?”

“I did.”

“Well you better get back…hang on did you just say ‘did’?”

“Yeah…that’s what I need to discuss with you…I couldn’t hide my upset…when I walked in the door tonight…she quizzed me about why and it just all came out.”

“What came out?”

“About why I was so upset.”

“Sorry John I am losing track here…what came out? Why were you upset?”

“God, you aren’t making this easy are ya?”

“Making what easy John?”

“I was upset when you left my car and said what you did…it all came out…how I feel…”

Kayleigh looked at him bemused.

“About you! How I feel about you!” explained an exasperated John.

“And what’s that?”

“You know what.”

“I don’t John…I feel I am getting mixed messages.”

“I told her that I couldn’t marry her Kayleigh…I told her that I had…strong feelings for someone else.”

“Me?”

“Yes! You! Who else?”

“Well I don’t know John, this is not what you were saying earlier so how am I meant to know?”

“Ok, I’m sorry, I told her I had feelings for you.”

“Shit a brick John. How did she take it?”

“Not great.”

“Oh my god, I don’t know how to react, does she think I’ve been your bit on the side? That I split you two up?” Kayleigh asked panicked.

“Yes and no, look things haven’t been right for a long time anyway, you just made me realise that I had to do something about it.”

“I can’t believe it John, has she kicked you out?”

“No, she hasn’t not yet, she’s left me, for now anyway…I don’t know what’s going to happen with the house or any of that yet. It’s all a bit of a mess truth be told. That’s partly why I am here.”

“How do you mean?”

John sighed “thing is Kayleigh, I do have these feelings for you, feelings that I just can’t shake off but all this with Charlotte isn’t going to be a quick fix and I know you don’t have time to waste. If you meant what you said earlier, then I need to be sure that I am in a good place for you and us.”

“Right?” Kayleigh asked quizzically.

“I won’t be at work for a while or in fact around here at all.”

“What! Why?”

“I spoke to Dave earlier told him everything about you about Charlotte...”

“Has he sacked you? Because of me?”

“No, no, nothing like that this is my doing, I accepted an interim position at another store, just while things settle, whilst I sort my head out...it’s just until the new manager arrives. They asked the other week if I wanted to do it, I said no...mainly because of you...but now it seems like its the best option.”

“How long will you be at the other store?”

“Three months.”

“Three months?! What store is it? What about the Christmas team? Will I still see you?”

“I won’t be around at all...the store is in Teeside...”

“Teeside, but that’s miles away.”

“It’s not that far...but it means that I will be living that way for that time. I will still be involved in the Christmas team, just mainly via conference call, plus this will show I can manage a store so its a great opportunity.”

“What’s Dave said? What’s he going to tell everyone? He’ll be wanting me out even more now.”

“He’ll tell the staff that it’s an urgent situation at the other store and I’ve had to go as a matter of urgency. And don’t worry, I’ve made it clear he’s to look after you, he gave me his word.”

“When do you leave?”

“Saturday.”

“That soon...God...I just don’t understand John” tears formed in Kayleigh’s eyes.

“It’s the right thing to do...gives Charlotte a chance to decide what she wants to do and gives me the chance to adapt to all this...I’ve never been a fan of change and now I’ve turned me life upside down.”

“What about me?”

“I’m doing this for you.”

“How do you figure that? You come here to tell me you have feelings for me, dumped your fiancée and that your going away for 3 months. I mean, my head is spinning.”

John put his hands on her shoulders “I’m doing this as right now I can’t be the man you want me to be. I can’t put you through the pain that I’ve caused Charlotte and I can’t just go from Charlotte to you without getting it all straight in me head. I know you don’t have time to waste and I wouldn’t blame you if you told me where to go right now. I know I want you...more than anything...but I can’t be with you until I’ve got through this. It wouldn’t be fair on you or Charlotte” John let go of Kayleigh shoulders and half smiled.

“I think your being selfish and a coward! You swan off to sort your head out and I’m stuck here wondering what the hell is going on! What about if Charlotte comes looking for me at the store, I’m going to have to face that on my own whilst you’re in fucking Teeside!” Kayleigh’s anger was apparent.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think...I thought I was doing right thing for us.”

“No, you’re doing right thing for yourself by running away, whilst I’m the home wrecker, having to face the music!”

“Kayleigh, you’ve done nothing wrong at all. I told Charlotte that.”

“I have though John! I told you I loved you even though you were engaged. What sort of woman does that make me.”

“But that doesn’t matter, I’m the one that’s engaged and fell for you...sorry, was engaged. This is all my doing. You’re right I’m a coward cos I can’t fucking cope with what I’ve done to Charlotte or you!” John was welling up.

“But how can I help you if you’re not here?”

“You can’t help me. I have to do this myself Kayleigh, I can’t drag you through this, I can’t do it to you. I can’t do it to Charlotte either.”

“So, is this three months going to be long enough for you, you know, to get everything clear in your head?”

“I don’t know Kayleigh...”

Tears were running off Kayleigh’s cheeks and she started wiping them away.

“What if it isn’t?” she asked pensively.

“You owe me nothing Kayleigh, I don’t expect you to wait for me, well actually, that’s a lie, the really really selfish part of me wants you to be waiting here no matter how long it takes, but you need to do what’s right for you...I want you to be happy.”

“John, I...”

“Shh...” John cut Kayleigh off and moved closer to her, held her face in his hands and looked her straight in the eyes “Listen, I love you Kayleigh...I do...and that’s why I’m doing this. It’s all for you...ok?” he kissed her longingly on her forehead as she nodded her head with tears still streaming.

“Please don’t go” Kayleigh said through the tears.

John had welled up again and as he let go, he whispered in her ear “Bye Kayleigh, I’m sorry” John then turned and walked away emotionally.

“Bye John” Kayleigh said quietly as she shut the door and went through to living room. Mandy was waiting for her with her arms wide open as she had eavesdropped the whole conversation.

“Oh Kayleigh” she hugged her sister “he’ll be back love...and see what happens eh? But least you know he did love you...does love you.”

“I just don’t know what I’m going to do Mandy...I really don’t. He’s just leaving me with all this...what do I do with this?”

“I wish I knew Kayleigh.”

John sat in his car, he now had to do the rounds explaining to family and friends. He wiped his eyes and turned on the engine as Queens Its A Hard Life began to play.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

John drove to his Mum’s ready to face her, Paul and his Nan, he knew that they figured something big was happening as John was not one to call a family meeting.

As he walked in to the dining room where the family was gathered, the atmosphere was already tense, John shouldn’t have been surprised, turned out Charlotte’s parents had contacted his Mum and explained what had happened between him and Charlotte.

As the news settled in and once John explained his version of events and his move to Teeside, Jan, his Mum, was still struggling to absorb all that had happened.

“But John, this is so unlike you.”

“Tell me about it, my brother the player, can’t believe it” joked Paul.

“Paul! It’s not funny, Charlotte is devastated John, her Mum and Dad are heartbroken for her and fuming about you.”

“Don’t Mum…I’m not proud of meself” replied a shamed John.

“You hardly know this Kayleigh though John, are you sure you have made the right decision here?” asked a worried Jan.

“I know her well enough to know that I’m not happy with Charlotte.”

“But you were going to marry her John…is it just cold feet?”

“Give it a rest Mum” interjected Paul.

“Excuse me!” asked a shocked Jan.

“He’s made his decision, he’s a grown man.”

“Yes he is and look at what a mess he has got himself into.”

“I am here you know” said an exasperated John.

“I’m sorry John but Charlotte was going to be a member of this family, I was very fond of her, it’s all just come as a bit of a shock and that with the move your planning...” Jan was quite emotional.

“Well, I never liked her” added Paul.

“For Gods sake Paul, we don’t need to hear that right now” snapped Jan.

“Sorry Mum, but I didn’t, nor did you did ya Rose?” asked Paul.

“Don’t drag me into this” replied an indignant Nana Rose.

“And nor did you Mum…Dad was the only one that doted on her, but that was because he wanted John to settle down and not end up a grumpy old man.”

“Paul, I swear to God you are going to get a slap in a minute” Jan angrily replied.

“Claire didn’t mind her though if that makes you all feel better…” smiled Paul.

“John, take no notice of your brother…”

“Mum, when was the last time you saw John really happy?” asked Paul.

“What you on about now?”

“Well when did you last see him really happy?”

“I don’t know he’s always the same.”

“I will tell you  – I have not seen him happy once whilst he has been with Charlotte, not proper like…did you see his face when he was describing Kayleigh earlier? Did ya?”

“No…”

“He was happy…weren’t ya John?” Paul put it more as a statement that a question.

“Oh you remembered I’m still here then?”

“Does Kayleigh really make you happy John?” asked Jan.

“Yes she does Mum…I didn’t do this lightly and I didn’t mean to hurt anyone” John started to get emotional as Jan got up to hug him.

“I know you didn’t love.”

“But now Kayleigh thinks I’m a coward and that I am just running away.”

“Well you are…” said an observant Paul.

“Paul! I won’t tell you again” Jan retorted as she returned to her seat.

“Well he is, why are we soft soaping this, he was unhappy with his fiancée, he has fallen for someone else and now he is doing a disappearing act until the dust settles. Look John, as your big brother, I have to tell you, you really need to man up and face this head on.”

“It’s too late Paul, I’ve accepted the job, can’t mess me career up as well as everything else.”

“Well you better find some other way to man up then.”

“He’s right our John, if I were Kayleigh, I wouldn’t be waiting” added Nana Rose.

“Thanks Nana, least someone gets where I’m coming from” Paul triumphantly pointed out. “Anyway, I gotta run. Give me a call if there’s owt I can do John. See ya Mum, Nan” Paul kissed them both goodbye and patted John on his back as he left.

“As much as your brother frustrates me, he has a point John” said Jan.

“How’d ya mean?”

“It does look like you are running away, your saying you love this Kayleigh and want her, yet you are just up and running from her.”

“Mum, I’m broken…I am filled with so much guilt and pain for how I have behaved. I want to be what Kayleigh deserves…”

“Well sounds like she deserves better than you running off, doesn’t she?”

John nodded.

“How about Charlotte does she know about your job?”

“Not yet, will message her later…God what a mess” John looked up to the ceiling “I’m so sorry Mum.”

“What ya sorry for?”

“For letting everyone down” said a sombre John, welling up.

Jan grabbed his hands on the table “Don’t you say sorry to me love…I just want you to be happy, I may not be happy how this has all come about, but I love you, you are my son. And if Kayleigh is the one you want then I will support you. And I will have no qualms telling Charlotte and her family where to go either” Jan smiled as John chuckled.

“Thanks Mum.”

“So what you going to do?”

“I’m going to have to go to Teeside, but I will try and speak to Kayleigh again before I go.”

“Alright love let me make ya a brew” Jan left the room as John, for what seemed like the 100th time that evening, put his head in his hands.

Meanwhile at Mandy’s, Kayleigh was still coming to terms with everything, she couldn’t eat her tea and was debating about work the following day. She sat in the living room with Mandy and Steve vacantly looking through the television.

“You alright Kayleigh?” asked Mandy.

Kayleigh just looked at her.

“That’s a no then” Mandy quipped.

“Sorry Mandy, but I just don’t know what to think or do…do I wait for him? Do I hate him?”

“Only you can answer that.”

“If you don’t mind me saying Kayleigh” piped up Steve “I think your being a bit hard on the bloke.”

“Eh?!” Mandy and Kayleigh said in unison.

“Ok, say he said to you tonight, ‘Kayleigh, I’ve just dumped Charlotte and now I want us to hook up’ what would you have said?”

“I don’t know, he didn’t so can’t think about it” snapped Kayleigh.

“I’ll tell ya what you would have said ‘are you sure John?’ ‘Is this too soon John?’ ‘Surely you can’t just jump into a relationship with me John?’ wouldn’t ya?”

“I don’t know…maybe.”

“You would, because you’re not daft and you are looking for the man of your dreams – John may be that man – but from what you said he is a mess…right?...Right?” Steve emphasised the point.

“Yeah, he is a bit.”

“So, do you want that John? The John that turned up here tonight not knowing what the hell has just happened or the John that you fell in love with who showed you such kindness, picking you up from here and all that?”

“The John I feel in love with” Kayleigh said quietly.

“I think...no I know…he wants to be with you Kayleigh, he’s said that, but how can he focus on you and only you when Charlotte is not completely out the picture.”

“Wow Steve!” said Mandy “that is really insightful.”

“Well, I am just saying it as I see it.”

“What do you think Kayleigh?” asked Mandy.

“I think at the moment I still hate him for making me feel this way…but I guess I need to wait and see” she half smiled and said her thanks and goodnights to Mandy and Steve. She didn’t know what her next move was going to be, but there was nothing she could do tonight.

Once John was back at home he messaged Charlotte to explain his plan of action, he received a short response “Do what you like John, you seem good at that.”

He was relieved that there wasn’t a tirade of abuse, but he did wonder how Charlotte was and hoped she was doing ok, but he knew that wasn’t the case, if he didn’t feel right and he was the one that wanted out of the relationship, he couldn’t imagine how she was feeling. Then his mind turned to Kayleigh and how she was, he debated about texting her or calling her but felt that wouldn’t help matters he still had a lot to work through.

All John could hope for was that he could sort his head out sooner rather than later.

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

Friday morning arrived, John had to go into work to sort some paper work out before his departure Saturday. He decided to go in for 8am and park in the main customer car park to avoid as many people seeing his car as he just wanted to ‘sail in and sail out’.

He didn’t know whether he should see Kayleigh or not, he didn’t want to upset her but after what Paul and his Mum said he knew that he may have to.

He went into Dave’s office first to have a chat about his 3 months away and spoke about the current situation that led to this.

“Not going to lie John, this whole thing has really put the cat amongst the pigeons with head office and HR. I thought poor Kath was going to have a heart attack.”

“I know it’s not ideal Dave…”

“Ideal! Not ideal! It’s a complete sham John. You’re the Assistant Manager here, good job your well-liked and respected as no one thinks you have abused your position, but you suddenly up and going to Teeside after refusing it point blank, they had found another bloke to do it you know? Do you know how many strings I had to pull to get this moving so quick?”

“I appreciate it Dave, honest.”

“You sure you are making the right decision here?”

“I don’t know Dave; I just don’t feel like I have any other choice.”

“John, the only reason I have agreed to this is because you were a right mess last night, but I want you back here soon as, you’re a good manager, despite all this, so you better sort yourself out.”

“I will Dave, I have too for everyone’s sake.”

“So, are you and Kayleigh going to make a go of it?”

“If she still wants to speak to me, she isn’t too pleased about my plans.”

“Bloody Kayleigh Kitson John, of all people…”

“I know you’re not a fan Dave, but I would appreciate it if you keep your comments to yourself.”

Dave held his hands up to show John he understood.

“Please look after her Dave, I really need her to be ok” pleaded John.

“If she keeps her nose clean John there will be no problems from me. But I can’t protect her from the gossip, of course I will have to act where I can, but you know people will put two and two together.”

“I know…just let me know if there are any issues…I feel bad she has to deal with this on her own.”

“That’s another surprise John…never had you down as a love ‘em and leave ‘em type.”

“Well its too late to change me mind…right?” John asked half hopefully.

“Too bloody right it is!”

“Thought so…look Dave can you do me one more favour there is just one more thing I need to sort out.”

Kayleigh was on the shop floor just starting her shift and getting her stand ready deep in thought and still raw with emotion.

“Kayleigh Kitson to Dave Thompsons office, Kayleigh Kitson please” come the voice over the tannoy.

“What the frig have I done now…Dickwad” Kayleigh muttered.

She took the long walk to Dave’s office and knocked on the door.

“Come in” said a stern Dave.

Kayleigh entered slowly, Dave walked away from his desk and to the door “you’ve got 10 minutes” and walked out. That is when Kayleigh saw John standing on the other side of the room.

“John!”

“Hiya Kayleigh love.”

Kayleigh was overcome with emotion “I didn’t think I was going to see ya again…well not yet anyway.”

“I had to see you…I couldn’t leave it like that…and me Mum and me brother gave me a good talking too.”

“Really? They know?”

“Aye they know.”

“Have you heard anymore from Charlotte?”

“No, she knows I am going but I don’t think she cares, can’t blame her really.”

Kayleigh walked over to John and touched his face softly “You look awful?”

“Thanks, I feel it” John hugged her tight and started to well up “I am so sorry Kayleigh…I really don’t want to leave now…but it’s too late.”

“It’s ok John, I do understand why you have to do this.”

John squeezed her even tighter “I meant what I said yesterday…I love you…I do…” he trailed off with his tears.

Kayleigh who was also crying now struggled to get her words out but somehow manged it “I love you too John…You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

“Really?” John pulled away fraction to look at her “you must have had a shit life” and chuckled.

“You are” she said stroking his face.

John went to kiss her lips but Kayleigh turned away.

“Oh” John said disappointed.

“It isn’t because I don’t want to John, but it will just make it harder…I want our first kiss to be a happy occasion not filled with all this tension and pain.”

“As always you are right” John smiled.

“I know.”

John held her hands “right lady, that is your ten minutes up.”

“Tut…I better go and sort my face out. I will wait for you.”

“Don’t make a promise Kayleigh that you may not keep, I will understand you know.”

“John, please don’t ruin this moment” she looked down.

John wiped a tear from her cheek “I’ll be in touch soon” John said as him and Kayleigh let go of each others hands and Kayleigh walked to the door.

“Here’s to 3 months’ time” she said as she opened the door.

“Yeah…3 months’ time” John repeated and smiled as she went.

John let out a big sigh.

 

 

After John had taken his Mum and Nan for lunch he began packing what he needed, filled with all his thoughts of regret and fear of what his future now held in store.

The doorbell broke him from his thoughts.

He opened the door and to his surprise, Charlotte was stood there.

“Charlotte?! You didn’t have to ring the bell you know.”

“Well I didn’t know what to do…can I come in?”

“Of course, its your house too you know?”

John walked through to the kitchen and Charlotte followed.

“Wanna brew?” he asked.

“Yeah please…so you are really off then?” Charlotte said as she noticed his packing as she put her bag down on the table.

“Aye.”

“Bit sudden isn’t it? Is she going with you?”

“Yeah, it is a bit sudden and no she isn’t coming with me?” John said matter of fact.

“What made you decide to go? Thought you were in love with this woman.”

“I just need to clear my head and give you a bit of space, sort out what we are going to do with this place and…”

“Wow, you really are planning ahead?”

“How do you mean?”

“I thought maybe you were going to have this break to have a proper think and perhaps realise that you have made the wrong decision, but you are already planning our split.”

“Well that’s what’s happening isn’t it? Us going our separate ways?”

“I thought maybe after your time away you would come to your senses and we can…well…rebuild our life together.”

“Oh…I see…”

“Is that all you have to say?” asked an angry Charlotte.

“What do ya want me to say?”

“Well, ‘I’m sorry Char, I have made a mistake, when I get back it will all be ok?’ would be a start” she began to cry.

“I can’t say that Charlotte.”

“I feel so embarrassed John, having to tell my parents yesterday was awful, I feel like a fool. Gem said that she never trusted you and that it was odd you never wanted to set a date. I am such an idiot!”

“Charlotte you are not an idiot…but there is no going back for us. I know that sounds cold, but I can’t put you through any more pain.”

“But I love you John, you were going to be my husband, we were going to have a life together…” she sobbed uncontrollably, and John went to hug her to comfort her.

Charlotte grabbed onto him “how could you do this to me? How? You bastard!” she said whilst sobbing as he cradled her.

“I am so sorry” he kept whispering whilst comforting her, tears forming in his face at how much hurt he had caused this woman he once thought he loved.

Charlotte pulled away slowly and went in for a kiss, John reciprocated the kiss unwillingly through both their tears.

After a short while John suddenly jolted “No! No! Stop!” John grabbed her wrists “No Charlotte, this isn’t what either of us want.”

“It is what I want John…” she tried to resume the kiss.

John pulled away “you deserve better than this – you deserve someone who loves you just as much as you love them…it isn’t me Charlotte.”

“Are you absolutely sure? I mean you don’t seem sure, judging by that kiss.”

“Oh Charlotte…I am sure. I want you to be happy, I can’t do that for you. I can’t…look you can have the house we can come to some arrangement…I can do whatever makes this situation better for you…”

Charlotte just looked at him.

“Did you want that brew?”

“No, I don’t think I want anything from you anymore – this house, your pity…”

“I don’t pity you, honest I don’t.”

Charlotte grabbed her bag of the table.

“Think about the house, I will do whatever is needed – lets just let things settle down so you can think properly.”

“Don’t tell me what I need to think John” she turned and walked down the hall and out the front door.

John kicked a kitchen chair in absolute frustration “what the fuck was all that about – Jesus Christ John – what’s the matter with you??” he shouted at himself.

After a few minutes of berating himself – he resumed his packing “come on John – 3 months, 3 months” he gave himself a pep talk, he got his phone out and looked at a picture of him and Kayleigh from the fancy dress party night and smiled to himself hopefully.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

It had been 2 weeks since John started at his new temporary store, he had settled in well, keeping his head down and working hard. It was the only thing he could do to take his mind of the mess he had left behind.

He couldn’t do the Christmas team as first thought and this was being overseen by Craig, who was doing an apprenticeship in Store Management, with support from HR. Dave and Kath kept John up to date and he was pleased Kayleigh was still part of it and doing well by all accounts.

John had heard that Charlotte had the house valued and her solicitor contacted him regarding agreeing to sell and splitting whatever was left between them 50/50. John agreed; it was one thing that he was sure could be resolved by the time he returned home.

He hadn’t made effort to contact Kayleigh, and she had not made any effort to contact him, so he was just left turning things over and over in his head ‘had he made the right decision?’ ‘did he love Kayleigh? Or was it lust?’ He found it difficult to rationalise all his thoughts, so he would go back to thinking about work the only thing that kept him sane and so the circle of thoughts continued day in and day out.

That was until his third week come along, when he had a call from Dave at the end of the day.

“You alright Dave? What’s up?”

“Hiya John, are you on your own?”

“Yeah just got in why?”

“Well, I thought I would update you on today’s situation?”

“Oh aye? What’s that then?”

“Its to do with Kayleigh?”

“Kayleigh?! Why? What’s happened?”

“I’m not sure to be honest, it’s all been quiet on the you and her front surprisingly, but after lunch today, she just ran out.”

“Ran out?! What, was she upset?”

“I think she was upset; all I know is what Kath told me. She had lunch in the store café with some woman and after that, Kayleigh went home.”

“Who was this woman? Was it Charlotte?”

“No, Kath wasn’t sure who she was. Anyway John, you wanted to be kept up to date.”

“Yeah thanks Dave.”

“If I hear anymore, I will let you know ok? But I do have better things to do with my days than sort out your love life.”

“I appreciate it Dave.”

John went to make a cup of tea and process what he had just been told and what to do next, he thought about contacting Kayleigh and he talked himself in and out of it whilst waiting for the kettle to boil when his phone beeped.

John read his text “Christ, what have I done now?” John said to himself.

 

It had started off as a usual Monday morning for Kayleigh, working on the Christmas team, chatting to friends and mostly daydreaming about John. She felt best not to keep in touch and give him the time he needed, she didn’t want to hound him or push him into a decision, he said he needed space, so she was going to give it to him. However, she couldn’t help feeling a little bit disappointed he hadn’t contacted her.

She was on her stand as usual and it was approaching 12pm, when a woman approached her, looked at her name tag and smiled. Kayleigh smiled back and before she could say anything the woman said, “so your Kayleigh?”.

“Yeah I am, sorry do I know you?”

“No, but John does, I’m Gemma, Charlottes friend, you know of Charlotte right?”

Kayleigh was shocked, she didn’t know what was coming next.

“Oh, well what can I do to help you?” Kayleigh nervously asked whilst trying to remain professional so as not to draw attention.

“I think it’s more what I can do to help you? When are you on your lunch?”

“In about 10 minutes, I really don’t think it’s a good idea for us to be communicating, I don’t know you and I am not sure what we would have to say.”

“Trust me love, I’m not here to cause trouble for you, if anything I am trying to save you a lot of heartache. Look I’ll go to the café and you can meet me in there? If you want that is?”

Kayleigh looked nervous.

“Honestly, I am not here to make a scene or trouble for you. But I think you will want to hear what I have to say.”

With that Gemma walked off and Kayleigh stood contemplating.

Against her better judgement Kayleigh went to meet Gemma, she got herself a drink and sat opposite her.

“Thanks for joining me…I was starting to feel like billy no mates” Gemma smiled and Kayleigh smiled back.

“So, what do you want to talk about?”

“I think you know…look I don’t blame you for any of this, Charlotte does obviously, but she is hurt and angry. Its John that I can’t stand.”

“I appreciate you are here to help your friend, but I honestly have nothing to add to this, its between John and Charlotte.”

“And you, all this is because John says he loves you. Personally I think John is still grieving for his Dad and this is some sort of…I don’t know…midlife crisis.”

“Again, its none of our business, I don’t know what you want from me, I haven’t spoken to John in weeks.”

“He really led Charlotte to believe he loved her, I was never that keen on him, he never seemed fully into it, didn’t want to set a date for the wedding, took him forever to even propose. But he made her happy and she thought this is it, she was there for him when his Dad died, held him up. Despite what she heard him say on an answerphone message about him not wanting to be with her.”

“Answerphone message?”

“Yeah when his dad was alive, it accidently recorded a conversation between him and John, she was devastated, but she loved him so much she let it slide and then when his Dad fell ill, she didn’t have it in her heart to raise it. Anyway, that is by the by, the fact is they had a life planned together, and now he is telling her that he loves someone else. Can you imagine how hurt she is?”

“No, I guess not…I never meant to hurt anyone, I wanted to walk away…”

“But you love him, and he loves you right?” Gemma said quite snidely.

Kayleigh looked down.

“Charlotte is convinced that he will come back and want to be with her, she said after they kissed the night before he left, she felt he wasn’t sure.”

“They kissed?”

“Yeah, hasn’t John told you?”

“No, like I said I have not spoken to him in weeks” Kayleigh reiterated sharply.

“Sorry Kayleigh, I haven’t come to cause problems, I mean Charlotte has put the wheels in motion to get rid of the house, but I think she’s doing it to jolt him into seeing sense. I personally hope she doesn’t get back with him as he will hurt her again. If its not you it’ll be someone else.”

“What have you really come here for?” snapped Kayleigh.

“Just a gentle warning, your relationship hasn’t even got off the ground yet and he has already done a runner. Charlotte is in pieces. She’s playing Johns game for now, going along with calling it quits, but I don’t think she will give up. Especially after that kiss” Gemma smiled sympathetically.

Those words hit Kayleigh like a knife. Did she even know John? Was he just a liar looking for any excuse to get out of his relationship? Or was he keeping his options open?

“Well thank you Gemma, but I really have to get back to work” Kayleigh stood up, trying to be defiant but obviously shaky.

“No problems Kayleigh, just take care, especially around John Redmond, he’s played Charlotte and he will play you. Once a cheat, always a cheat.”

Kayleigh walked away and headed to Kath’s office to explain that she needed to go home as she didn’t feel very well.

Once home, Kayleigh waited for Mandy to arrive back and poured her heart out. She then angrily text John, something she later regretted. A new plan started to form in Kayleigh’s mind to get this resolved once and for all.


	6. Chapter 6

The next day as Kayleigh pulled up to the Teeside store car park, she wondered if her plan was actually a good idea. She had clocked his car in the car park so knew he was working and parked close enough to see his car but far away enough as to not be obvious. John had not responded to her text and she hoped she hadn’t messed things up. She though about texting ‘sorry’ but she was sick of not taking any action.

Kayleigh had been shocked by what Gemma had told her and was so angry and hurt that John had taken her for a fool. Sending the text ‘I don’t think I know you anymore, I don’t think this will work. Good luck!” made her feel better for all of 5 minutes.

She relayed her plan to Mandy, she needed Mandy’s car to wait for John outside his new shop to follow him home and have it out with him once and for all. He wasn’t married, they had not done anything unproper, they just fell in love and she was sick of being ashamed. Mandy felt her plan made her feel like a stalker, but she understood her sisters’ sentiments and gave her blessing.

Kayleigh knew where the store was as she had googled it and took the chance he would be at work that day as regardless of how upset he may or may not be, he would be at work no mater what. She arrived at the car park at 3.30pm and waited patiently for John to finish work and leave the store at 5pm. There was a Costa near by if she needed the loo or refreshments, she just hoped John was on a normal shift and not a late as she could be there for hours.

At 5.15pm John headed to his car, looking beaten, a bit like she felt, but the love she had radiated her whole body when she saw him and knew she had to get this situation sorted. She loved him and if he meant what he said then he loved her just as much and she wasn’t going to mess around any longer.

As he left the car park Kayleigh was discreet enough to follow him out but kept a good distance and allow other cars in if needed, as long as she could still see his car she wasn’t too worried.

Kayleigh would have gone into his workplace, but she knew he took great pride in his personal and private life being separate and her turning up at his work would not have gone down well, and she knew she would never get his address from HR so behaving like a stalker, as Mandy put it, was her only option. Dave was surprisingly understanding about her needing the day off, in fact he had been very understanding about her leaving early yesterday. Maybe everything was aligning for her at last.

John was living only 15 minutes from the store and he pulled up in the garden driveway and walked into the house he was renting; he hadn’t noticed the Citroen that pulled up a few cars up the road.

He walked in the small terrace house he had been staying in, rented for him by the company. It was quite a nice little house, all furnished, he wasn’t sure how the company acquired it but was glad they had rather than a dingey flat.

He loosened his tie as he sat down on the small two-seater sofa and looked at his phone, he decided to make a call.

As Kayleigh undone her seat belt ready to make her way to her future, her phone rang, she got it out of her bag, it was John. Kayleigh suddenly went into panic mode not sure if to answer it, this wasn’t part of her plan. In her panic she just pressed the answer button.

“John?”

“Kayleigh, you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine…you?”

“Yeah…um…I wasn’t sure you would answer, you know after your text?”

There was silence.

“Kayleigh? Are you still there?”

“I’m still here…you never replied?”

“I didn’t know what to say, I have been all over the place all day.”

“Oh right.”

“I hate this! I hate not being able to talk to you, know what is happening in your head. I’m going to drive to Manchester now, I need to see you Kayleigh…I really need to see you.”

“No John, don’t do that.”

“Why? Don’t you want to see me?”

The doorbell rang.

“Christ, the bloody doorbells going now.”

“Answer it then.”

“No, sod em! I want to speak to you.”

The doorbell kept ringing.

“They sound impatient, I think you should answer it could be important.”

With that Kayleigh hung up.

“Kayleigh?...F’king hell.” John got up to answer the door at the persistent ringing “this better be good…” he was speechless when he opened the door.

 “Kayleigh!” he finally uttered.

“I had to see you too” She smiled teary eyed.

John invited Kayleigh in and made her a brew, she explained what she had done and how she found his address whilst they stood in the small kitchen.

“Ah so that’s why you weren’t at work today?” said John flippantly.

“Eh? How did you know that?” asked a curious Kayleigh.

“Erm…Dave told me.”

“Dave Thompson? Why is he telling you that?”

John took the cups to the small living area and put them down on the coffee table.

“John, why is he telling you that.”

“I asked him to…”

“What?”

“I asked him to keep an eye on you?”

“What do you mean keep an eye on me?”

“You know, make sure you were alright? I felt awful leaving you to face this alone, when he told me about yesterday, I was so worried and then I got that text.”

“What did he tell you about yesterday?”

“Just that you were talking to someone and then went home.”

“Did he tell you who I spoke too?”

“No, he didn’t know.”

“Ah so he doesn’t know everything?”

“I can only guess it may have been something to do with me?”

John could feel Kayleigh’s animosity towards him.

“Look let’s sit down eh?”

“No John, I can’t believe Dave Knobhead Thompson has been spying on me for you!”

“Not spying, I only asked him to let me know how you were?”

“Why couldn’t you ask me?”

“Because of what we agreed?”

“No, its what you agreed, I wasn’t the one who asked for space! I wasn’t the one who left town! I wasn’t the one who kissed my ex on the night before I did a disappearing act!!”

“What?! Who told you that?”

“Gemma, you know Charlottes BBF!”

“Gemma, I might have known.”

“Yeah, she told me all about your kiss, how Charlotte is still holding on and calling your bluff by selling the house. Warning me that you were not the man I think you are.”

John moved over to the far side of the sofa to be closer to Kayleigh, Kayleigh moved away so she was nearer the living room door.

“I can explain, just tell me what she said, and I can explain, please sit down.”

“No! You tell me what happened? I take it you did kiss?”

“Its not what you think?”

“Is this how you talked your way out of things with Charlotte!” Kayleigh raised her voice.

“I didn’t talk my way out of things with Charlotte, I was honest with Charlotte” John’s temper know showing.

“Well, that is more than I get!”

“For god’s sake Kayleigh! What do you want from me! I gave up everything for you and it’s still not enough!”

“You gave up everything for me!! By the sounds of it you weren’t very happy anyway, I know about the answerphone message?”

“Oh bloody hell! That were ages ago! Nowt to do with this at all!”

“Am I just an excuse? An excuse to end things with Charlotte so you don’t have to take the blame and it can be blamed on me…some slapper from work!”

John moved closer to Kayleigh and put his arm out to touch her “you are not a slapper.”

“Get away from me!” she moved back “so am I an excuse then?”

“No, no, you are everything to me!” pleaded John.

“Then why kiss her?”

John looked down.

“Why John? If you are messing me about at least be man enough to tell me!”

“I didn’t kiss her ok? She kissed me, I reciprocated ok…I shouldn’t have but I did. I stopped the kiss, told her it’s not want I wanted. But she was so upset, I do still care about her you know? I’m not heartless!”

“I don’t know what you are. Gemma told me all this stuff about how much you made Charlotte think you loved her, how you weren’t keen on getting engaged and that you are just playing me.”

“I’m not though.”

“Then why all this?”

“All what?”

“This! Leaving work, your home…me. You weren’t married John; we hadn’t done anything together. We fell in love, I know Charlotte is hurting, but you couldn’t even ride it out.”

“I thought you understood why?”

“I thought I did, but the more I think about it, the more I think you just hung me out to dry so you could leave Charlotte, sounds like you were planning to get out for years.”

“And you got all that out of someone you don’t even know, who doesn’t really like me – come on – you know me.”

“I thought I did, but maybe I don’t.”

“THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE?” John shouted. “If you believed all those things why not just leave me alone, why come here!”

“Now you mention it, I don’t know why!” Kayleigh picked up her bag to leave.

“That’s it, just run off.”

“Oh… your one to talk you’re the one that is good at running, first out on Charlotte - then me.”

“MY GOD! WHY DID I EVEN THINK WE COULD HAVE A RELATIONSHIP!” John shouted.

Kayleigh was taken aback but hadn’t lost her nerve.

“I DON’T KNOW, LIKE I SAID I’M JUST AN EXUCSE!” Kayleigh turned around to leave.

John rushed after her, turned her back around grabbed the tops of her arms and kissed her so overpoweringly and intensely.

Kayleigh pushed him off and looked at him shocked he had been so rough. As their eyes locked Kayleigh dropped her bag and before they knew it, they were kissing with so much passion that Kayleigh hadn’t realised John was walking her backwards to the bottom of the stairs. As they reached the bottom, John laid her back on the stairs and leaned over her looking at her with so much want in his eyes.

“Are you sure about this?” asked Kayleigh.

“I have never been surer about anything in my life…I could ask you the same thing.”

“This is all I have ever wanted John…”

They kissed again as John stood her up, took her hand and led her to the bedroom.

He opened the door, he pulled her in and close to him before kissing her again, he kissed her down to the bed where he laid her horizontally across it and moved his knees on the bed to either side of her, holding her hands above her head whilst he moved closer to her, looking in her eyes with that same want he had a few moments before.

“Once we do this, you know nothing will be the same between us?” he whispered.

“I don’t want it to be the same… I want you!”

He smiled before he started kissing her and caressing her with one hand free whilst the other still held both her hands in place above her head. Their heated argument had led to so much unbridled passion, that it wasn’t the tender experience either had envisioned it would be prior to today, but they enjoyed it none the less.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

 

As 19.15 approached John and Kayleigh were cuddled up in bed after their first physical experience together. Kayleigh was facing the window with John’s arm around her, they were dozing.

John pulled her close and leaned over to kiss her cheek, “you alright?” he asked.

“Yeah” answered Kayleigh as she kissed his arm that was tightly holding her “are you?”

“Aye, I wasn’t expecting that to happen today.”

“No, nor was I. Just wish we hadn’t been rowing before it happened.”

“You don’t regret it do ya?” asked a panicked John.

Kayleigh turned round to look at him.

“No, of course not, do you?”

“No, no not at all. It were great. Just hope you had a good time and wasn’t having second thoughts about me, about us?”

“Of course not” Kayleigh kissed him on the lips. “You know how I feel about you.”

They smiled at each other.

“You’re going to think I’m really sad but you know my favourite album?” Kayleigh asked.

“Now 48 yeah?” John said without hesitation but still disappointed in her album choice.

“Well I’ve been listening to it ever since you left, and track 2 on cd 1 is Pure and Simple...”

“Hear’say 2001”

“Ah you know it” said Kayleigh excitedly squeezing John tighter.

“For my sins, so what about it?”

“It’s my song to you.”

John scrunched up his face.

“Oi cheeky, I knew you’d think I was sad” Kayleigh jokingly pretended to get away from John.

John laughed “why?” he then asked.

“Why what?” asked Kayleigh.

“Christ keep up. Why is it your song to me?”

“Well, it’s just the lyrics...you’ll have to listen to the words.”

“Do I have to?” John mocked.

“Yes you do!” she smiled as she kissed him again “anyway, what time is it? I’ve got to get back to Bury.”

“What tonight?”

“Yeah, Mandy needs the car tomorrow.”

“Don’t go tonight” John kissed her neck “stay with me” he kissed her neck again as she rolled onto her back.

“John” Kayleigh groaned “I can’t, I have to get back to work tomorrow” she continued as John was still kissing her neck.

“Mmm…I can sort that out with Dave…stay…” he continued his kissing.

“I can’t…” Kayleigh said half coherently as she was distracted by the feelings of John’s touch.

“Yeah you can…go early in the morning” John finally kissed her lips with passion which she gladly repaid.

Just as they were about to re-join physically, John’s phone started ringing.

“John, John…your phone?”

“Ignore it” John was too far gone with his passion and he wasn’t prepared to stop.

“John – please… get your phone.”

“Fine…” John reluctantly stopped and rolled over to pick his phone up from his work trousers that were on the floor.

“Shit…”

“What? Who is it?” Kayleigh sat up.

“It’s Charlotte.”

John and Kayleigh looked at each other for a second.

“You better get it.”

John reluctantly turned so he was now sitting on the edge of the bed with his back to Kayleigh and answered the call. Kayleigh slowly got out of bed started to get dressed.

“Hello…Hi ya, what’s up?....Really? That were quick? Right…yeah yeah…50/50. Ok wow…yeah I will get on to it first thing…you ok?...fair enough. Yeah I will get it sorted….What? No, nothing like that, I haven’t even seen her...” John looked at Kayleigh and shook his head as if to say don’t worry  “Yep…yep...first thing tomorrow...ok...bye.” John hung up as Kayleigh was stood at the end of the bed now fully dressed. John got up and went to get his boxers and a pair of jeans and a polo shirt from the wardrobe stomping and sighing as he got dressed. Kayleigh looking at him expectantly with her arms crossed.

“All ok?” asked Kayleigh.

“Yeah she was just calling to let me know the house has been sold” he said flippantly.

“How do you feel about that?”

“Well…I don’t know…I didn’t think it would go that quick…got to get onto the solicitors tomorrow…just hit me how final everything is.”

“And what did she say about me?”

“Nowt...just asking if I were living with ya yet...she’s just still upset.”

“Surprised Gemma hasn’t updated her.”

With that Kayleigh left the room and went downstairs.

“Kayleigh?!” John shouted after her and followed her to the bottom of the stairs “Kayleigh? What’s up?”

“Why did you lie to her about seeing me? You said earlier you gave up everything for me yet your lying to her, don’t you want to sell the house and move on?”

“Of course I do…”

“But it doesn’t look like it? You look sad.”

“Well, what do you want me to look like?”

“I don’t know, I just didn’t expect…this…it’s almost like Charlotte’s gamble paid off, you are regretting it! And you pretending like I don’t matter makes me feel like I’m an intruder in your life and that this is a mistake. I think Gemma was right about you and now I’ve witnessed you lying first hand.”

“Not this again, I am not regretting it…Ok, I may not be dancing on the ceiling about the house, but that is nothing to do with us or how I feel about you.”

“But it is John, to me it is. You don’t know how you denying me on the phone or the look on your face when you told me the house was sold made me feel!”

“Well I didn’t mean it, its just a lot is happening right now. And...you know, I do feel guilty about how this must be affecting Charlotte. But that’s my doing, not yours. Please don’t feel bad about this, not after we’ve had such a fantastic evening. You know how I feel about you.”

He went to hug her and got the same rejection he had earlier as she walked into the living room to get her bag.

“I’m sorry John, maybe you were right from the start, you should have had space, I don’t think you know how you feel about me yet, I mean how can you? Maybe I’m just good for one thing.”

“How can you say that? I know I love you…I know I do!” John’s voice was breaking through the emotion.

“How? How is what you feel about me so different to what you have felt for Charlotte all these years?”

John was welling up “I just know it, I...I feel it, I have never felt this way about anyone before…you gotta believe me…I know.”

“Then maybe its me” Kayleigh too was welling up “maybe I cannot cope with all this baggage right now.”

“Baggage?”

“I’m sorry John I shouldn’t have come here, you’re not ready to move on. Lying that you’ve seen me even though 30 minutes prior we were doing a lot more than just seeing each other, but what about when you come back, can we even go out in public or are we still going to be putting Charlotte’s feelings first?”

“It’s not like that, I’m just trying to stop any more pain.”

“I get it John, I do, that’s what makes you who you are. But whilst protecting Charlotte from pain, you’re hurting me” she put her bag on her shoulder and kissed his cheek “bye John” tears were rolling down her face.

“Kayleigh, I’m sorry...”

“Don’t John.”

John hugged her “you can’t mean this” John started to cry “I can’t believe this is happening...after today, I thought we had it sorted...”

“I know John...I thought we did too...I should have listened to you in the first place. I have to go.”

“I will get there Kayleigh...I will.”

“I can’t wait John” she said crying “and being close and intimate with you today has made all this 100 times worse” she sobbed.

“Please Kayleigh...please...I want you so much, please don’t say this is it.”

“I have too, I can’t feel like I’m second best...I love you too much and it would kill me knowing that.”

“You’re not second best...look the 3 months isn’t up yet we agreed 3 months...” pleaded John

“John...I just don’t think this will work...I doubt the next 2 months will make a huge difference. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be here” Kayleigh tried to move but John resisted letting go until Kayleigh really pushed his arms off her. She straightened her bag back on her shoulder looked at him one last time and left.

John stood looking at the space she had just vacated and in the second time since all this had started he found his temper lashing out at furniture as he kicked and chucked the coffee table over, spilling the now cold teas he had made before.

“Bollocks to this! Bollocks to love!” he shouted.

He looked down at the mess he had created which seemed to symbolise his life in that moment.

Kayleigh drove the 2 and a bit hour drive, feeling miserable but trying to maintain her strength. Making love with John had been fantastic and she almost, almost, felt she had him in that moment, but she fell to earth with a bump. Why didn’t she just leave him be? She asked herself. She felt bad she had probably made his head worse because of her impatience. But she was sick of living on the side-lines – something had to give and for Kayleigh this meant big changes in her life, no more being a passenger – she felt it was time she was the driver in her life.

As the last week of October disappeared and November was nearly done too, a lot had happened in John’s life, the completion of the house had gone through, his belongings were in storage in Paul’s garage and the rest of his belongings went to his Mum’s. He was going to move back in there until after Christmas then start looking for a place of his own. As much as he loved his Mum, he didn’t want to be living there indefinitely.

He had also met with Charlotte a few times to sign paperwork and go through bits in the house, there seemed to be an ease between them after all the upset. Charlotte was horrified to learn about Gemma’s meeting with Kayleigh and reassured John that she had nothing to do with it.

As they saw each other for the last time they hugged and parted as best they could. It felt like a weight had been lifted off John’s shoulders, having put that bad feeling to rest and seeing how much calmer and together Charlotte seemed made him feel less guilty.

Maybe Kayleigh had been right when they last spoke, maybe his face was a giveaway, John had been living with so much guilt, guilt he perhaps should have been more honest about with Kayleigh, maybe then she wouldn’t have run off, but it was his baggage and it was baggage Kayleigh couldn’t cope with.

He had enjoyed the last few weeks without the drama and the pain he felt he was inflicting on others; he was just going to be his own man. He figured he’d end up hurting Kayleigh in the end anyway and came to the conclusion that women “only mess with ya head” first Charlotte being angry then seemingly understanding, then Kayleigh being understanding then getting angry and leaving. He told himself he was happy with his life – on his own.

His opportunities at work had also improved, he had finally been offered a promotion starting in March at his usual store. Dave Thompson was moving to Area so John was offered the role after proving a success at the Teeside store.

Kayleigh had also had some epiphany’s whilst reflecting on her experience with John and made great steps towards a complete lifestyle change.

Whilst John’s imminent return to the store both scared and thrilled them in equal measure, were their new lives still going to intertwine...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

It was Johns first Monday back at the store, the remaining months away seemed to fly by and returning to his usual place of work felt like no time had passed at all.

He arrived slightly earlier to go through emails and paperwork, all the while watching the clock of when Kayleigh would be arriving. He was nervous and excited to see her; he didn’t know what would happen going forward after their last encounter and following his own claims that he was happy on his own; all he knew was he missed her and just wanted to talk to her.

At 9.10am he decided to head down to the shop floor, he practically skipped out of his office and headed to the stairs.

“John!” Kath called.

John turned around to see her and Dave standing in the corridor as he was starting to head down the stairs.

“Oh hi Kath, Dave…I will come and see you both in bit, just going to see what’s happening on the shop floor.”

“John, you need to come and see us now before you go down” said a very serious Dave.

“I won’t be long” John shrugged Dave’s demand.

“John, please come in and speak with me and Dave, honestly, you don’t want to go down there yet” Kath pleaded.

“You are both being really serious, what’s going on?” John said light-heartedly.

“Just come to my office eh John?” said Dave.

“No, tell me what is going on?”

“We know who you are going down to see John” Kath said softly.

“And?” said a perplexed John.

“Well, the thing is, she isn’t going to be there” Kath explained.

“What? Is she off ill or holiday?” John said a little disappointed.

“She doesn’t work here anymore John, she left on Friday” Kath said softly.

“She what?! Well where has she gone? To another store?”

“John, please come to Dave’s office so we can explain.”

“Did you fire her Dave, is that what’s happened? Cos of me?” John said angrily.

“No, I didn’t fire her John” replied Dave.

“Then where is she?”

“She has left to go travelling John, in Australia, with her friend Kelly. She’s gone out there for a year” Kath explained.

John moved away from the stairs and started pacing the corridor “No, no, she can’t have…I mean…she would have said…or one of you would have told me? No…you’re just winding me up” John looked at them hopefully but fell flat when he saw their very serious faces.

“We aren’t joking John, she’s gone” Dave said rather matter of fact.

John stormed into his office quickly followed by Dave and Kath, he was still pacing trying to process what he has just been told.

“We are sorry John” added Kath.

“Sorry! You’re sorry, why wasn’t I told…Dave you told me you would keep me in the loop, what happened eh?” John squared up to him.

“Well John, I couldn’t keep you in the loop as some idiot told her that I was reporting on her to you!” he said firmly in Johns face, knowing full well it was John that had given her that information in the first place.

John stepped back “Eh? What’s that gotta do with anything?”

Kath decided to explain things “Look John, Kayleigh came to me about six weeks ago, told me of her plans and that she didn’t want it getting back to you. She had told me what you said about Dave keeping an eye on her. She was adamant that she would take this further should you find out.”

“Yeah big mouth, I could have lost me job!” Dave shouted.

“I had to read Dave the riot act, if it got out he wouldn’t have got his job in Area and you wouldn’t have been promoted. I did as much damage control as I could, and that was keeping Kayleigh’s plans away from you.”

“Sorry John” said Dave as John slumped in his chair.

“You say she left on Friday?”

“Yeah that was her last day.”

“So, when did she fly?”

John saw Dave and Kath look at each other.

“She flies this morning John, her flight leaves at 11.”

“11 – from where – Manchester?”

“John, I can’t tell you anymore.”

“Sod it! I will take my chances.” John ran out.

“You won’t catch her John” Kath shouted after him.

“Ah let him go… he wouldn’t be much good today anyway.”

“I feel so bad for him Dave.”

“I don’t, he shouldn’t have been playing around, should he?”

“He was hardly playing around Dave, it’s John we are talking about. He loves her.”

“Aye he does that…silly sod.”

Kath and Dave shared a hopeful smile.

 

Kayleigh had arrived early for her flight she had to be there 3 hours before anyway but she arrived almost 4 hours early.

It had taken a lot of soul searching to make this decision, but she knew she had to get away from everything, she had been so heartbroken about John and when Kelly told her to come and join her and they could travel for a bit and she could stay with Kelly and Kelly's new boyfriend and start living her life, Kayleigh felt it was the best choice all round.

Mandy had come with her to the airport after Kayleigh had said an emotion goodbye to Steve and the kids.

“Oh my god Kayleigh, I can’t believe this is it…” Mandy had been crying since they left the house.

“Aw, I’m not going forever, I will be back before you know it” Kayleigh replied whilst also sobbing.

“I just know are going to have the best time, I am so jealous of you staying in a posh hotel on the Sydney Harbour.”

“Kelly wanted me to have a bit of a treat before we start slumming it at her new place” Kayleigh laughed.

“How do you think John will react when he finds out? It’s today he is back at work isn’t it?”

“Not my problem anymore is it? Anyway, he is probably back with Charlotte.”

“I doubt he would be; you know that the house was sold.”

“I just don’t want to think about him, it has taken all the strength I have just to get here today, I can’t…I can’t think about him anymore.”

“Do you regret not talking to him about all of this…I know it is not good timing but I just need to make sure one last time before you go that you are not having regrets.”

“Talking would do us no good, every conversation I have had with him since he told Charlotte just went around in circles.”

“Do you still love him?”

“Mandy! Why are you doing this now?”

“Because, I need to know you’re really really sure before getting on this plane, and also because if he still wants you, I have a feeling I will get a visit later on.”

“Look...ok” Kayleigh sighed “I don’t think I will ever ever stop loving him. But that doesn’t change any of this or any of what has happened. I miss him and being around here and at the store makes me miss him even more, him being there will make me miss what I know we could have had. Does that make sense?”

“Kayleigh, you never make any sense but yes I know what you mean love.”

“But this trip is for me and I have no regrets doing this. It’s a chance of a lifetime. I’ve saved so hard the past few months and with yours and Steve’s kind help, I’m in a good place...finally.”

“Right well, I am so proud of you, let’s get your luggage checked in shall we and grab a coffee before you go through security.”

As John was approaching the airport at full speed, Kayleigh said her goodbyes to Mandy and went through security. Both sisters crying their eyes out, however, Mandy felt some of Kayleigh’s tears were for John. Even though Kayleigh sounded positive, Kayleigh had loved John and really hoped she wasn’t running away out of pride or fear.

As Mandy approached the doors to leave the airport she was nearly knocked over by a man running through.

“Watch it” Mandy said irritated until she saw the man in question “John?!”

They both looked shocked.

“What are doing here John?”

“Where is she? I need to see her.”

“You’re too late she has gone through security.”

“No! No!” John was angry “Ok,ok I just need to get a ticket and I can go through right?” he rationalised.

“John!” Mandy held his lapels on his jacket to stop his frantic behaviour “let her go…she needs this.”

“But I need her” John started sobbing, Mandy felt heartbroken for him so she had no choice but to hug him. She had only met John twice briefly and she had her own upset with Kayleigh going to deal with, but this was the man her sister had loved, still loved, she had to comfort him.

“I need her, she can’t go…I need to see her.”

“John, listen to me…she loves you, honest she does, but she has tormented herself for months about you and this situation, trust me she needs to do this. And she will be back. A year will go so quickly.”

“She needs to know that I love her and I am ready” John moved away from Mandy’s hug.

Mandy grabbed his shoulders “Listen to me John! If you do anything to ruin this for Kayleigh then how can I believe you love her? She let you go to sort your head out! Well didn’t she?”

John Nodded.

“Well then, let her do the same eh?”

John nodded “God, I am such a selfish idiot!” John said drying his eyes.

“You are not selfish John, and I can see how much you care about her, you wouldn’t have nearly knocked me down otherwise” Mandy smiled.

“Yeah sorry about that.”

“It’s OK” Mandy smiled.

“What am I going to do now? Could I ring her? Could you pass on a message?”

“Let’s go for a coffee eh? Away from here and talk your too on edge and not thinking straight. Meet you back at mine yeah? Steve will be pleased to see ya.”

“Yeah OK. I just feel like I am giving up though, just letting her go.”

“You’ve done the right thing.”

“It doesn’t feel like it.”

“I know love, come on, lets get back to mine” Mandy said as she lead John out by his arm practically pulling him out of the airport.

John reluctantly started to follow, leaving the woman he loved just the other side of the airport to go to the other side of the world felt like the worst thing he had ever had to do.

 


	9. Chapter 9

Three days after she had left Kayleigh awoke for her second morning in Sydney, it was 10am. Her sleeping pattern was still all over the place and Kelly was still sleeping off her drinks from the night before.

Kayleigh felt strange being away from England especially in December, it didn’t feel like the week before Christmas it wasn’t so Christmassy without the cold weather back home. Her mind turned to John and all the thoughts she once had of working with on the Christmas team. She still was beating herself up at how everything went so wrong.

Kayleigh picked up her phone to have a scroll through her pictures she had taken and she was startled when it started ringing.

She couldn’t believe it, it was John.

Kayleigh’s heart skipped a beat, she panicked, should she answer? She didn’t want a row with him over her not telling him she was leaving, that’s part of the reason she left like she did. But she couldn’t lie to herself and pretend that she didn’t want to hear his voice.

“Deep breaths Kayleigh” she said to herself before answering.

“Hello…John?”

“Hi ya, you alright stranger? Or should I say G’day?”

“I’m ok, just woke up.”

“Woke up? Its 10am where you are, you lazy arse” John chuckled as did Kayleigh.

“What time is it back there” asked Kayleigh.

“Errr…its 11?”

“11? I thought the UK was hours behind Australia?”

“It is, it’s 11 at night you tool!” John laughed.

“Oh right yeah” she giggled “what are you doing up so late on a school night?”

“I don’t go to bed that early you know? And plus, I couldn’t sleep.”

There was an awkward silence.

“Anyway, how’s Australia?” continued John.

“Ah it’s so lovely John, feels weird it being so hot at this time of year.”

“Aye, I can imagine. I think I’d prefer the sun over the wind and the rain.”

Kayleigh had that pain hit her, that missing John pain, just talking about everything and nothing.

“John, I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you what I was planning, you know coming here and leaving the store. It just got too much for me. I take it work told you?”

“Yeah they did. And you don’t need to apologise to me…I should be apologising to you. I’m sorry how everything was left.”

“Yeah, me too. Funny how quickly things can change in a few months, I never dreamed I’d ever be here. But it feels like a new start.”

“Mmmm” John replied disappointedly “anyway tell me more about Australia.  Where are you?”

“In Sydney for a few days. We are overlooking the harbour.”

“The harbour?! Someone’s got money to burn! What’s your view like?”

“Aw It’s gorgeous, you should see it.”

“Tell me about it instead then, tell me what you can see from your window?”

“I can send you some pictures if you like – I sent some to Mandy yesterday.”

“Well that was yesterday, tell me what you see now?”

“What? I doubt much has changed from my pictures.”

“It might, I want a live commentary as I can’t see it meself” he laughed.

“Fine, hang on let me just get out of bed.”

Kayleigh climbed out of bed and opened the curtains and unlocked the door to the small balcony, stood outside and looked around the harbour taking in the sights.

“Right, I can see the bridge, lots of boats, water, the sun…” Kayleigh was struggling to articulate anything else “can I just take some pictures now and send you?”

“Can you see a ferry?” asked John not wanting to end the Kayleigh’s vocal tour.

“Yeah I can.”

“Can you see a bench on the path in line with the ferry?”

“Oh my god yes!”

“Can you see a bloke waving?”

Kayleigh took a big intake of breath.

“No, it can’t be. Is that you?” Kayleigh asked in disbelief.

“Fancy a chat?”

Kayleigh was so stunned she couldn’t speak.

“Are ya still there? Kayleigh?” asked John.

“Yeah I am here” she said softly and faintly, she began to cry, she moved her head away from the phone so John couldn’t hear her.

“Well?” John asked concerned.

“Yeah, yeah give me a few minutes eh?” she answered almost in shell shock.

“Ok, I will be here, see you soon.”

The call ended.

“Kelly! KELLY!! Wake up” she ran back into the room and to the bed and crouched down to shake her friend.

“What?” Kelly stirred.

“John’s here!”

“Go back to sleep, you’re just dreaming” Kelly murmured.

Kayleigh shook her again “No, he’s here, he’s outside...downstairs. KELLY!”

Kelly finally opened her eyes and sat up slightly “What?!”

“John, he’s here, downstairs.”

“No way!” Kelly said in a jovial tone “Well you better go and see him then” Kelly smiled.

“Why don’t you seem surprised?” Kayleigh asked suspiciously as she stood up.

“Ask your sister” Kelly smirked whilst Kayleigh looked perplexed “well get yourself dressed then; you don’t want to keep him waiting” added Kelly.

Kayleigh got dressed as fast as she could, she made her hair look as presentable as possible, she made do with the previous night’s makeup that she hadn’t washed off in the early hours when her and Kelly had returned from their night out.

The lift seemed to take forever, she kept questioning if she was dreaming. Then the doubt set in, was he actually here for her? Will seeing him lead to another row? Does she still want him?

The lift finally reached the foyer and now she wished the lift had taken a little longer.

Kayleigh left the hotel with mixed emotions, not really having gathered her thoughts.

John was stood where she saw him from the window, he was now looking at the boats on the water and had his back to her. She tapped him on the shoulder, he swung round “Kayleigh!” he said happily as he smiled and gave her a hug.

John hugged her so tight that Kayleigh had to fight her way out of it so she could breathe.

“John, what are you doing here?” she looked directly at him.

“Why do you think?”

“Well I don’t know, we haven’t spoken or seen each other since that day I left yours.”

“I know, I wished I’d got in contact sooner, I really do. I just...I guess I thought I’d only keep hurting ya. Thought that you’d be better off without me.”

“Then why are you here if you thought that?”

“Because, I’m not better off without you, I thought I would be ok, convinced myself I didn’t need you, Charlotte or any other woman. But I was kidding meself. I need you” John looked in her eyes with real emotion.

He continued “I have been through a lot since we last spoke, I got promoted, moved back in with me mum, made peace in my head about Charlotte, but none of that matters if I haven’t got you.”

“But John, why have you waited to tell me this, why come all this way to tell me this?”

John smiled

“Because, wherever you go, I wanna be there, whatever you do, I’m always gonna be there, it’s pure and simple, I’ll be there for you” he touched Kayleigh’s face to wipe away her tears.

“Aw John you listened to the song” she replied overjoyed touching his hand on her face and smiling before they both slowly released.

“I listened to it the day you left mine that evening, but I was so upset I couldn’t listen to it anymore...until I missed you at the airport on Monday, it came on the radio pretty much as soon as I started me car. Then I never stopped listening to it.”

“You came to the airport?”

“Yeah once Dave and Kath told me you had gone, I ran out of work, I just needed to get to you...that’s when I bumped into your Mandy.”

“Mmm...Kelly seems to think I need to ask her about you being here.”

“Well, I were devo’d I’d missed ya, she told me to let you go. But then I think she  took pity on me as I was crying like a bloody baby.”

“Aw John” she put her hand on his arm.

“We spoke and then spoke some more over a brew, I told her that I heard the song Pure and Simple on the radio and what that song meant to me and to you” John was feeling emotional.

“It was for a reason that song came on at that moment and I knew I had to get to you. Mandy told me she would speak to Kelly and it went from there. That’s how I knew what you could see out your window. Your pictures were crap by the way, so we had to get Kelly to send Mandy some better ones” John chuckled.

Kayleigh laughed with tears forming “I wondered why Mandy kept pestering me for pictures from our room.”

“Look, I am not here to ruin your plans and I am only here for a couple of weeks, but I couldn’t not show you how much you mean to me.”

“So, you’re here for Christmas? How did Dave take that?”

“He had no choice really it was either two weeks or I would leave for good. That would delay his promotion to Area so…”

“What about your mum and your family? They have only just got you back home and now you are here? What about them at Christmas?”

“They knew they couldn’t talk me out of it…think they were shocked that I was being quite reckless for a change. As the Pet Shop Boys said ‘I Wouldn’t Normally Do This Kind of Thing.’”

Kayleigh just shook her head “Don’t think I’ve heard that one.”

“You know it! I’ll play it for ya.”

“You do realise I am here for a year don’t you?”

“Yeah I do” John looked down.

There was an awkward silence.

“Oh John, I can’t believe you’re here.”

“Nor can I! It’s all happened so quick.”

“So where are you staying?”

“In your hotel.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, cost a bloody fortune last minute mind, lucky I got that money from the house eh?”

“When did you get here?”

“Last night.”

“Is that why Kelly dragged me out until the early hours?”

“Well its why she dragged you out, but I was tucked up in bed by midnight” John laughed and went to grab Kayleigh’s hands, Kayleigh moved her hands away to John’s disappointment.

“John, I don’t know what to say? I came here because I wanted to get over you.”

“Have I ballsed everything up? Look, I don’t blame you, and if you tell me right now that we can’t be together and that it’s not what you want or rather I’m not what you want, then I will walk away, no hard feelings. But I just had to try and let you know that I really do love you.”

“John…I...”

“Look if you need time to think... that is ok too…” John said trying to hang on to some hope.

“I don’t need time to think John.”

John looked worried.

“I really love you too.”

They looked deeply into each others eyes before sharing a passionate embrace.

 


End file.
